21 September 2012

where we're at with the adoption

Since the adoption fell through last month, we've been processing,
talking a bit with our agency, and updating our homestudy.
As of the end of August, all of our background checks expired and we had to meet with our 
social worker to get everything updated.
When things didn't work out, our caseworker told us that we would be moved to a priority spot, 
which means that our profile would be one of the first shown to potential birthmothers.
And then this week we received an email that said there are no birthmothers. None.
My heart fell a little at that point.
 After grieving the loss of the last baby, I had started to feel hopeful again as we moved forward. 
And then that email.
That dang email.
I started to question everything, to wonder if we were in the right place, going with the right agency,
 if we should be pursuing other options, considering international, yada yada.
Truth: in my heart I still felt peace that things were as they should be.
But my mind still raced, wondering if God was asking us to do more.
I called other agencies, just to be discouraged.
I considered going back to the agency we were thinking of switching to in California, despite my lack of peace.

Last night, as we were laying in bed, before drifting into sleep, I told Nick everything I was thinking. 
All the calls I'd made, texts I'd sent, questions that were racing around in my mind.
And then he reminded me Who is in control.
He reminded me that we love our agency, and love the people who work there.
People who have assured us again and again that they are on their knees for us and for the babies who need a loving home.
He reminded me that there is no rush. That we have a full house and plenty to occupy us,
that there are so many things ahead to enjoy.
He reminded me that God can do anything, anytime and we need to walk in trust.
It was everything I wanted him to say without realizing it's exactly what had been in my heart.

So, that's where we're at. 
There are no babies on the horizon, but we've got our ducks in a row.
We're praying for our agency and for women who are considering life for their babies.
We're trusting. And we're living our lives. 
Day to day, drinking in our boys, working on our endless projects, planning weekends away, and trying to let go and give it to Him.
I am continuing to create and sell necklaces and such to raise the money we need
so that when that day comes, we're prepared.
I really believe that our family has been designed by God Himself
and that as we let Him, He will continue to create it to be just as it should be,
in just the right time.

My heart is full of thanks for all of you who have been such a support to us -
who have rejoiced with us, grieved with us,
walked in this with us. 
We hope you'll stick with us as we journey into the unknown!


  1. Thank you for sharing your heart <3 I will continue to pray for you guys :)

  2. I have been following your blog for a while now...and all I can say is to keep your chin up. I know it can be super hard at times...but there are people all over thinking and praying for you. It will happen when the time is right! Stick with it!!

  3. I know it's hard when God's timing doesn't align with our own. Praying peace and contentment over your family.

  4. Such a beautiful post! I'm still praying for you every day. I really love what your husband said, every word! I know there's going to be a day when we're all celebrating your new baby and that day is only going to be made more incredible by this discouragement. Thank you for sharing what's on your heart!! xoxo

  5. Fairly new to your blog. It is amazing to read your words as you find yourself in a difficult time, but to still hear your faith come through so powerfully. I love your heart & your families heart as you say, "I really believe that our family has been designed by God Himself
    and that as we let Him, He will continue to create it to be just as it should be, in just the right time." I really needed to hear these words today.
    Thank you for sharing them.

  6. Thank you for sharing your sweet heart! I will be keeping you and your beautiful family in my prayers!! God has a perfect plan for you family!! Blessings, Heather

  7. oh no, so sad to hear your adoption did not go through!
    but all in His own time.
    thank you for your honesty and transparency in sharing your struggles and your heart. xoxo

  8. That is the best decision! Thank God He blessed us with sweet husbands who are patient and kind..Nick sounds like a great hubby and daddy and a very wise man! Matt and I are praying for your family.

  9. Oh Carina. My heart hurts for you. I needed the reminder today though, about God creating our families. It's so true.

    Praying for you right now.

  10. CUTE picture. praying for an open door soon Carina! love your faith.

  11. Wow that pic of your whole little family looks very very amazing indeed.....I just have many many well wishes for you....

  12. Praying! I know that it is super difficult. A family at our old church is trying to adopt a brother and sister and the emotional strain is just staggering. I'm glad your faith is in the One who has it all planned out perfectly. :)