01 August 2011

i have no idea what i am doing

I am convinced that the people who know the most about parenting are people who have no children. They know what you should feed them and when, how to discipline them, when they should sleep and for how long, how they should behave and how to train them in the way they should go. I mostly know this because I totally knew what I was doing... before I had kids. I may have mentioned a time or two that I can be a bit of a know-it-all. 

The people who are the most gracious and encouraging are the ones who have been there, done that, and realized along the way that nobody really knows what they are doing all of the time, and every kid is different - like a one million piece jigsaw puzzle created just to baffle you.

See this kid?

Don't let those cute little cheeks fool you. He was perfect - perfect, I tell you - and then he turned three. He started testing every boundary and I thought he was going to spend the rest of his life in a time out. It didn't last long... he went back to his old ways of being completely charming and lovely. I admit I gave myself a little pat on the back for nipping those behaviors in the bud before he turned into a problem child.

Then about three weeks ago something took over his body and he became a wild, defiant... boy.  After weeks of psychoanalysis I've decided that's what it really is. He is normal. He's an oldest child who hasn't quite figured out that we aren't peers and wants to see exactly what his limits are. 

And it's driving me crazy. And everyday I ask myself, "Am I handling this the right way?" And then I think, there might not be a "right" way and I am just gonna wing it.

And pray. All. the. time. It's the only way.

And I am thankful for the mothers of other four year old boys... they nod with a sympathetic look and the secret bond of sisterhood. 

Oh and I am going to keep having or adopting babies, because babies are just so easy. Yep, I think maybe I have babies figured out.

So basically, no I don't know what I am doing. Not at all. Nope. But please don't tell Lute that. 

I still love you, dude. But lighten up on your mama a little bit, wouldya?


  1. This post was just what I needed today. My oldest turned 4 in May, and some days I don't know what to do with him. Suddenly he's thowing all kinds of tantrums, and yelling, and more stubborn than ever, and offended all the time.. I found three really challenging and hoped that when he turned four, things would change..

    He has such a good heart, and he is kind and loving, so I try to tell myself that he's not acting out out of hatred or anything like that. But some days.. ooh little boy. I am always questioning if I'm doing the right thing.. and people tell me that strong willed kids usually turn into really great adults. That just leaves me wondering if I'm following that idea blindly, or if I'm on the right path at all!

    I pray a lot too. :)

    Thanks for a great post!

  2. I'm terrified I'll have a child like my sister....I have no idea what I would do with such a strong-willed child!

  3. I am going to burst your bubble - 4 is so much better than teen - LOL. The one awesome thing about have 3 to 3+ children is you do get to see that their behavior is a stage - and, no, you did not mess up nor is your child "aweful."

    He's discovering that he "feels" about things differently than you and is learning how to express how he "feels" and "thinks" about those differences. It is new, this discovery, and he handles it like he will handle riding a bicycle until he gets the handle of it. Lucky for him, he has a mom who will teach him good ways to communicate those differences:)

    I think you are doing an awesome job - remember, it's just a stage and you are the training wheels:)

    Enjoy 4! They love you awesome when they're 4!!

  4. I have 2 daughters...I had no idea how you feel to have a boy......my sister has a 4 months boy.

  5. Winging it seems to be the only way, especially with a cute kid like that! Thx for stopping by our blog!

  6. Jordan Anne, I am sorry you understand, but grateful at the same time :) I am sure your kid is good to the core just like mine - they just know how to wear a mama down, don't they? I know it will get better.

    Blue, Thank you. You always have the right words and I love hearing from a mom who has been there - many times over! :)

  7. Just wait until he takes two cookies instead of one. That's the day you need to fear.
    You are the best mom I've ever seen. I really, truly mean that Carina.
    And, your kids are awesome. I think you make this stuff up about Lute. He's perfect. Always.